My Desire

When I think about things that i would like to accomplish I am always faced with some realities that stop me from getting there.  My current situation needs change. I believe that in order to see the things that I desire come into being I need to make a decision to live differently.

I truly believe that the only source of true satisfaction is a life surrendered to Jesus. I have experienced it, the most significant times in my life have been those when I have laid every area of my life down and decided to choose Him. But lately something has changed, for the worst. It is like I have lost hold of that which my heart truly desires, an intimate relationship with the one who created me. I have lost sight of Him, and when that happens, the door has been opened for chaos to come and rule.  There is nothing that can fix that, only Him, working in me. I am glad that I am coming to see this now, it would be a lot worse if I just keep living away from that deep place in Him and someday realize that he is nowhere to be found.

My Desire is to live a life fully satisfied. To experience everyday the excitement of living for something greater than myself. A life that doesn’t focus on “things” that will disappear, but that is truly focused on the unseen, the eternal. I believe change is coming, but I have prayed many times for God to not allow greater things come into my life if I am not being a good steward of my now. It is a crazy prayer but I don’t want to go higher areas if I haven’t been loyal in the small ones. I have prayed for God to not allow me to get into a relationship before I have dealt with some issues in my life and everyday I see how he guides me to what He knows is best. I just trust. 

If you ask God for something for your own well being and that of others, believe me, he listens and answers.

A friend had a dream of me two nights ago. In his dream, I was leaving, going to a new place, after getting into a brand new white car. He gave more details, but I quickly got the message regarding my situation. A pure, holy life, a different mindset is what will take me to the new level which God has prepared for me.

I pray again, God, mold me, change me, give me a greater perspective of what I was created to be and what you want to do through me. Let me know and realize the things that I may have missed or will miss if the necessary changes don’t occur. I ask you, the Creator of everything, to help me, because I know that you are the only one one who can bring true, lasting change and satisfaction.

Selah.

Before I ever was.

Wow, Do I need some enlightenment? haha! I don’t know, I don’t seem to get past this season.  There’s like a longing for change, for a clear vision, for something different that I try to put down and ignore, but after a few days it comes back, haunts me.

I wonder if this is the place that I should be in or if it’s just a clear response to my actions. What if I had done things some other way? Would I still be here? Doing this. Writing this. Questions that will never be answered at least not to me or by me.

There’s this feeling inside of me, of just running to something and away from some things. An urge to seek the undiscovered, the unachieved, the thing that has been expecting me. How should I do it? When should I do it? Who will go with me? These are just a small example of some of the questions running in my mind. They come and go, sometimes at the same time, sometimes they trouble me but sometimes I am filled with hope through them

I guess this is just part of life, of being a man, a person of desire, may my desires be focused on what they need to be focused and may I be fully satisfied by that. For now, I will keep my eyes open, my ears aware, my wings ready for when the time to fly comes,the season of new things, the time of discovery.

I will be ready, I will discover the undiscovered, touch the untouchable, achieve the unachievable, I will be what I was meant to be, even before I ever was.